Vivian had a tough time as a teenager and faced multiple barriers which were causing a lot of upset and confusion. He came across our Brighton Youth Advice Centre (YAC) and felt understood for the first time. He started meeting with our Support and Advice Worker Jo, who helped him figure things out about himself and realise his enormous potential. Vivan tells us more in his own words:
My name is Vivian and I’ve been coming to YAC on and off for a long time. I started out when I was about 17, I saw the sign in the street and thought it sounded interesting. It was very colourful and they have a big pride flag in reception which also drew me in.
I met Jo, one of the Support and Advice Workers, and really clicked with her. She has helped me so much. The first time I ever met her, I was having issues with my dad. He thought I was faking my tics and I was really upset. Jo made me feel heard. It felt like she was the only one on my side at that time.
Jo has also helped me figure things out about myself and get to know myself on an emotional level. It felt like nothing was off limits; I could go deep and explore things. At times things could get quite emotional but that was ok because I was in a completely safe place. It just felt good to get some things off my chest and have a good cry.
I started having conversations with Jo about autism. At first, I didn’t want to talk about it because I didn’t want it to be true. Jo recognised certain symptoms in me and I had to trust that she wasn’t just insulting me. Sometimes I felt a little annoyed but it started to help me understand myself.
I gradually accepted that being autistic wasn’t going to change who am I. I had to almost go through a grieving period because I felt like life had already dealt me an unfair hand and now there were more difficulties and barriers to overcome.
YAC felt like a safe place to explore my autism. I could say anything, good or bad, and I was never judged. Having more of an explanation for why I do things has actually made a lot of things easier. And YAC has really helped me with the diagnosis process. It’s quite long so it’s been really useful to have time to sit down with someone and go through the questions together. I would never have been able to do it on my own.
Why is YAC important?
YAC is so important. It helps to talk to someone who knows what it’s like. It feels like everyone at YAC understands where I’m at and how I’m feeling. They’re there for people who need it. And it’s a completely free service. YAC is also very LGBT friendly; they’re great with pronouns. It’s a colourful space.
Having someone older than me who has been through the things I’ve been through and has some life experience has been really helpful.
Being a teenager or in your twenties is really scary. I never felt talked down to, I was always met where I was at. I felt sure that I was valid in feeling scared and anxious about the world and that it was ok. There was a place in the world for me and I would figure this all out.
I didn’t know a lot about myself before. Jo would talk about me being on a journey and I would travel along this journey, and there’s still lots of journey to go. And having someone with me on the journey was so much better because the world felt like a really scary place.
Everyone deserves a place where they feel heard and respected. I don’t think people realise how much they need that.
Do you have any advice for someone coming here for the first time?
I think the one piece of advice I would give is that everyone can benefit from having someone to talk to. Even if you don’t think you have anything to talk about, there’s always something. You might unearth something you never expected. It can be messy at times, you can have a good cry but that’s ok and you’ll learn things about yourself, you’ll be in a safe environment, and you’ll be ok.
What’s next?
I’m going to start a new job soon in the care industry as a care support worker. I wanted to use my skills and empathy for something good.
I did creative writing at university and I learnt a lot. I published a book of poetry and am working on my second one at the moment. The poems are about my transition, relationships, breakups and emotions in general. I find writing poetry is a way for me to sort out my hurt and get my feelings out there.
How have you changed since you first walked through the YAC doors?
It’s hard to see that you’ve grown sometimes. I guess the thing I’ve noticed the most is my self-awareness. When I do things, I now know why, and I know if it’s a symptom of something. I’ve accepted that I am who I am now and I’m kinder to myself.
I also have an awareness of where I’m going. I look at Jo and think that everything’s going to be ok. She has some similar struggles to me but she’s thriving, she’s employed, she looks so cool and she’s just the best. Knowing that my problems aren’t going to last forever and I can work with the ones that will.
